London is a party: and the drinks went up after midnight. Now it’s 4am, you’re scrabbling around in your jeans pockets for £4.80 for a final Red Strip and thinking “Why even bother?” The music got crap, the cool kids left ages ago and you’re pretty sure it shouldn’t take two hours of night buses to get home when you only live seven miles away… but it will. Oh, it will.
Things don’t have to be this way, though. We’re not Clive Martin. We don’t just moan. We offer solutions! Here are five of the worst things about living in London, but also five cities to move to solve the problem!
The Problem: You Hate Getting the Northern Line Every Day
The Solution: Move to Nottingham
Yes! That’s right! Nottingham is one the most commuter-friendly towns in the whole UK. Its tram system has over 10 million users every year and the city has invested extensively in buses and cycle paths.
The Problem: My Local Charges £5 for a Pint
The Solution: Move to Hereford
The beautiful county of Herefordshire boarders the stunning Brecon Beacons National Park. It also has the cheapest beer in the country, with a pint costing a mere £3.10 on average!
The Problem: You Can’t Afford a House
The Solution: Move to Liverpool
As recently as January 2016, a three-bed house in the proud city of Liverpool might only set you back £50,000. That’s something to think about next time you’re drawing a map around Croydon on RightMove.
The Problem: You’re Not Represented Politically
The Solution: Move to Fleet
Bloody lefty London, always lit up red after the elections (apart from Chelsea, but you can’t afford to live there, right?)… If you’re sick of living under London’s socialist domination, run off to Fleet. It is the main settlement of Hampshire, North East: i.e. the constituency with the largest Tory majority.
The Problem: You Can’t Afford Your Rent
The Solution: Move to Plymouth
Devon may seem like a long way to go to escape paying £180-a-week rent. But the average rent here is a mere 27% of average income. Compare that to 49% in London and you might soon change your mind!