The themed party is the reserve of the unay student, the bored middle-aged who worry life’s spice is dulling, and generally people who don’t think a party – a night where you stay up drinking, smoking and dancing with friends and strangers – is a good enough idea on its own.
They are actually terrible and we will now explain exactly why.
Decorations Are so Expensive
“They don’t have to be!” I hear you protest. Well, you get what you pay for, honey. You’re probably wearing Inditex shoes right now ain’cha (we are too but shh!).
“You can make your own!” Really? It’s not like we have a spare room full of crafts materials! And who has the time for any of that Blue Peter stuff, anyway? No one who would be fun at a party, that’s who.
Nice Drinks Are So Expensive
If you’re having a theme, you need themed drinks. But guess what – unless your theme is Channel 4’s Shameless, themed drinks usually means really expensive cocktails that you won’t have the time or patience to make, prepare and refrigerate property.
Even If You Make an Effort, No One Else Probably Will
Getting people to a party is hard enough as it is. There’s so much going on any given night, it’s already like herding cats. Are you really going to put another obstacle in the way by making people dress like they’re herding cats?
You Have to Get There… in Costume
This is the modern world. People travel to parties, they don’t all happen at the WMC in the middle of town. Every weekend Megabusses are full of people shotting vodka and bursting for a pee all because Jonno is having a renunion party. Ask anyone who has got an evening Megabus to Newcastle.
Are you really gonna make everyone come up from Leeds dressed as Smurfs, Jonno? Really? Are you?
They Make Sex Weird Weird Weird
Sexy themes can be sexy, sure. But most of the time, themes make any post-party sex (or sneaky intra-party sex in the spare room) a bit… weird.
Glitter Doesn’t Come off Anything
Following on from the last point, unless you want your walk of glory (not shame. No slut shaming guys!) to have a few more stares than usual, you’ll be happy that the party you hooked up at didn’t cover everyone in glitter.
Even If You Come Up with a Good Costume Idea That Your Whole House Share Loves, Most People Won’t Get It
Dressing up as Metronomy is a hilariously good costume idea if you live in a house share with three other people (don’t steal it – it’s my idea). But most people won’t get it. And when you explain it to them they won’t care.
Even If You Come up With a Cool Theme Idea, Most People Won’t Get It
Yes it’s that old continuum. On one end you have things that are super-niche but which the chosen few will absolutely love. On the other end you have something everyone will understand but no one will get excited about.
Occasionally something will come along that defies this logic and is universally adored by all: Daft Punk, Ketchup, Idris Elba. But your seven deadly sins party will never be one of them.
“Dress as your favourite libertarian” might have your flatmates in stitches and be the party you’ve always wanted to throw. But it’s unlikely anyone else you know will see the funny side.
